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英语笑话

Virtue 美 德

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Virtue Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its ineff...

英语笑话

Plagiarism 抄 袭

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PlagiarismA friend of mine who teachs European history at Washington University in St. Louis tell about the time he spotted a plagiarized term paper. He summoned the student to his office. "This...

英语笑话

Class and Ass 班和笨驴

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Class and Ass Professor Laurie of Glasgow put his notice on his door: "Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today." A student, after reading the notice, rubbed out the "c". Later Professor...

英语笑话

I Dont Know Her 我还不认识她呢

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I Don't Know Her A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. "Why don't you do that?" said the wife. "Honey," replied her husband, "I don't...

英语笑话

The Same Service 同样的服务

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The Same Service A man who had been married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor. "When I was first married, I was very happy. I'd come home from a hard day down at the shop, and my...

英语笑话

a dissolute husband 自甘堕落的丈夫

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A Dissolute Husband What a world of pathos in this: A barren room,illkempt children,a worn out patient wife,a dissolute husband,and weak. “Mary, you ought to have married a better man.” &ldqu...

英语笑话

Millionaire百万富翁

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Millionaire CEO: "My wife made a millionaire out of me." Assistant: "What were you before?" CEO: "a multimillionaire." 百万富翁   主管人:我妻子使我成为百万富翁。   助 手:以前你是什么?   主管...

英语笑话

A Trip to Disney迪斯尼之族

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A Trip to Disney On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I adn our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we hea...

英语笑话

Twin Lobsters

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Twin Lobsters Once I had achieved success as an entertainer, I wanted to impress my Mom. I brought her to Las Vegas for dinner at Caesar's Palace. Among other items, the menu listed "Twin Lobsters...

英语笑话

An Old Couples Quarrel老夫妻吵架

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An Old Couple's QuarrelA couple of codgers got into a quarrel and came before the local magistrate. The loser, turning to his opponent in a combative frame of mind, cried: "I'll law you to the Cir...

英语笑话

Prepare Yourself 自己做好准备

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Prepare Yourself A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop." Two days later he received...

英语笑话

Keys Kiss 钥匙还是接吻

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Keys? Kiss?A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he ask...

英语笑话

Part-time Job 业余工作

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Part-time Job When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles. "How was your first day?" I asked. "It was great, Dad,"...

英语笑话

Flunking Math 数学没及格

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Flunking MathMy son, who made the dean's list in his freshman year at Ball State University in Muncie, Ind., called home a few weeks after starting his sophomore year as a psychology student."Mom,...

英语笑话

Imitation 模 仿

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Imitation A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. "Well, sit down and eat your tea," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got somet...

英语笑话

Bedtime Prayers 睡前祷告词

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Bedtime Prayers Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy." Her mother interrupted and said. "Julie...

英语笑话

Im Glad 我很高兴

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I'm Glad A Sunday-school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," she said, "has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?""Please, teacher," said a s...

英语笑话

I Taught the Teacher 我教老师

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I Taught the TeacherMother asked her little boy, "Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?" "Nothing, Mum," answered the son proundly, "instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I...

英语笑话

A Baby Sister小妹妹

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A Baby Sister Nurse: Don't you like your new baby sister, Johnnie? Johnnie:She's all right, but I wish she had been a boy. Willie Smith had got a new sister, and now he'll think I'm trying to...

英语笑话

Things Have Been Okay 一切都正常

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Things Have Been Okay A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then o...

英语笑话

Best Reward 最好的奖赏

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Best Reward A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him. "The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing abou...

英语笑话

Perfect Match 绝 配

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Perfect Match A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none com...

英语笑话

Patience 耐 性

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Patience Angler: You've been watching me for three hours now. Why don't you try yourself? Onlooker: I haven't got the patience. 耐 性   垂钓者:你已经盯着看了三个小时了,你干嘛不自己...

英语笑话

Only Once 只有一次

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Only Once A novice lion tamer was being interviewed. "I understand your father was also a lion tamer," the reporter queried. "Yes, he was," the man replied. "Do you actually...

英语笑话

Starstruck 追星族

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Starstruck I have been starstruck since I was a little girl, so I was delighted and practically speechless not long ago when I spotted the actor Ernest Borgnine walking in my direction on Ne...

英语笑话

Keep the Change 不用找了

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Keep the Change One sweltering day, I was scooping ice cream into cones and told my four children they could "buy" a cone from me for a hug. Almost immediately, the kids lined up to make thei...